pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
