Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
