I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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