i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize