better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
