My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
