Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
