If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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