too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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