That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
