Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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