kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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