So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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