:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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