I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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