I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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