My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
