fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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