I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
