Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
