my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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