your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
