He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
