im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
