Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
