I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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