Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
