I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
