Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
