grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
