So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
