DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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