Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
