She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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