Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
