I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
