i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
