i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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