Soap is not a condiment
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
