it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
