ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
