im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
