Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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