I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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