4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Will you blow on my dice?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
