He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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