Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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