your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
