You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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