my phone needs a breathalizer
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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