Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
