Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
