Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
