Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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