It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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