How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
