Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
