i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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