eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
