Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
