I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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