i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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