I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
