I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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