i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
