I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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